So, big day at the doctor’s office today…

Well… big day at the doctor’s office after fasting last night and still not having eaten today, but I have full intention of noshing as soon as I post this…

So, as I mentioned previously, the doctor wants me to join their metabolic fitness program which is, essentially, a 3-6 month program of physician-supervised gym use, serum monitoring and <shudder> group discussion…  all this for the low, low non-insurance-covered price of $350!!!

Normally, my instincts would be to say no, but seeing as I’ve been stuck at the just about to have lost that first 100 pounds stage since…what?  September?  It seems that a good kick in the butt might be just what the doctor ordered (actually, I guess it *is* what the doctor ordered)…

…anyway…

Before you can join the program, they need to make sure you’re not going to die on them, so this morning they brought me in for a bunch of fasting blood (and fluid) tests, a thorough physical (turn your head and… yeah you get the picture) and a stress test.

I have to admit the stress test had me unusually nervous.  Not the treadmill bit… I can handle a treadmill… but let’s face it.  I’ve been carrying around a few hundred extra pounds of body fat (currently 192.5 pounds, I’m told) for a few decades now and well… heart disease… it could happen.  So what if they found something?  Blind, pointless fear, but there you have it.

Regardless, I showed up on what may have been the foggiest morning I’ve ever seen, and proceeded to have my vitals and fluids taken.  For those who are curious, the post-holiday damage turned out to be six pounds for which Laurie has already chastised me.  Life goes on.  Ticker updated in the wrong direction.  Such is life, and we carry on.  Interestingly, the took my blood pressure on both sides (my right is lower).

After the nurse and her female student finished with the physical which included a stress test and my third and fourth blood pressure check of the day, it was time for the stress test.  They brought me into a different room with the treadmill and had me lie down…

…and they started shaving my chest… which was weird… but I guess it helps the electrodes stick… fun…

Regardless, another ekg and blood pressure check five and six and we’re up on the treadmill for the gradual run up to hypoxia.  They, of course, continued to retake my BP every two minutes…

…did I mention that I HATE having my BP taken?!?  It farkin’ hurts!

In any case, walk, run, sweat… things I overheard during the test:

See this line here… it’s a little early, but probably nothing…

…because of his age I want to really push him…

…the columbia is more gradual…

…he’s already reached the heart rate we targeted…

…do you want to stop now?

... can you go another two minutes

…do you want to stop now?

… you’re in control, you can stop….

should we stop?

... you want to keep monitoring him as he relaxes as that’s when many events occur…

So that was a bit of sweaty fun…  I probably stopped earlier than I should have.  I think I could have gone up one more notch, but let the lack of O2 influence me… shameful…

After that, she showed me the gym, and we scheduled the follow-up.  Only permanent damage is the weird strips shaved in my chest and the rapidly developing bruise where they continually squeezed my arm with the BP cuff… I assume they were trying to juice me, but I’m afraid they’ll have to resort to Sunny D as I didn’t pop…

 

Oh… and for those who’ve been asking me to post pictures… this is about as close as you’re going to get for a while… not quite comfortable enough in my own skin to be showing it to others…  For those who were actively trying *not* to picture me topless, I apologize…