…and we’re back!!!

For those just joining in, SaggyManBreasts.com is the ongoing chronicle of my attempt to bring the sexy back.  Moobs?  They ain’t sexy.   The previous eight strips were a test run for the site structure and content.  I had intended to delete them, but my reviewers said that the content was good and to just continue on.  So I shall.

I’ve been dieting on and off ever since college.  I was skinny in high school, but let myself slip when I entered college.  From the slip, I fell, and from the fall… well… >>kerplat!!!<<<  I mean, look at the progress counter over to the left.  I started at 468 pounds!!!


The weird thing is that I’m not really an inactive sort of guy… and I don’t overeat to badly… but I eat poorly routinely… I’m pretty sure that 50% of my heart tissue is made up of ground beef, if you know what I mean.  Let me put it to you this way, I can’t always find clothes to fit when I shop at Casual Male, for God’s sake.  If that’s not a warning sign, I don’t know what is.

So I’m changing my life…

I’ve actually been at this for a few weeks now, and as you can see from the counter, I’ve made some progress.  I’m down 28 pounds.   That just happens to be 10% of my total weight loss goal, so it’s not insignificant.  I’m sure if you lost 28 pounds, it would be very noticeable and all of your friends would either be marveling at how thin you’re becoming or asking you to see a doctor because you’re starting to look unhealthy.

In my case, however, 28 pounds makes me look… scratch that… it doesn’t make me look.  You can not see one slight bit of difference… and that’s a problem.  You see… my big struggle with weight loss is not eating less food.  If you review the last entries, you’ll see that I have a hard time eating enough when I’m watching a target.  No, my problem is just staying motivated to complete the activity.  It is right around this point that I start to think

“Christ… this is a lot of bother.  I hate having to plan every meal.  I’m just going to have a Baconator!”

I’m very good at giving in to such thoughts, so I need something to prove to myself that it’s worth it, that I’m making progress and that this is going to work.  Absent of any positive reinforcement from the mirror, I look to the scale…

…and that can get a bit tricky.

The typical household scale for “overweight” people tops out at about 330 lbs max.  That seems like an awful lot, but take a look at that starting number again.  I’m so fat, I can’t even weigh myself!  Now, there are plenty of companies that will sell you “plus size” scales… several of which will go up to about 500 pounds.  However, when you get to the fine print, there are all accurate to only +/- 5%.  Now for those of you who are not handy with math, that means every time I step on the scale, the value will swing plus or minus 23 pounds.  This is not a useful thing.   There are accurate scales out there, but they are all in the $300 and up range which is more than I have lying around for a frickin’ scale.  So what’s a fat fellow to do?

I went to the doctor.

Not for an appointment, mind you.  I simply said that the doctor had advised me to lose weight and the home scale wasn’t accurate and could I please be weighed.  Turns out they were happy to do it… at first.  After my second visit, they asked me to come in after 9am as they tended to be busy until then.  No problem…

except that after 9am, I’m at work!

So if I want to weigh in, I have to leave work to do it.  Of course, I walk to work, so that’s about a three-hour round trip.  It’s not exactly practical!  Of course, I work at a medical center, so surely someone will let me use the patient scales.  So far, they’ve all said ‘no’, but I haven’t hit every reception area.  Surely someone will help me out.

In any case, I had the day off yesterday to go to a conference, so I did get a chance to stop in at the doc’s, and -28 pounds was the result.  When you consider I was expecting to have lost about 10, you can see that it was a good result.

Ah, but what about today?  Let’s run the numbers:

Food Intake:

  • Breakfast – Post Trail Mix Crunch with a bit of extra milk – 225 calories
  • Lunch – Shredded lettuce salad with marinated artichoke hearts, canned chicken, green olives, onions, tomato, sun-dried tomato vinaigrette and soy – 500 calories
  • Dinner – Sweet Pepper fettuccine w/Trout – 840 calories
  • Snack – caviar with sour cream and 1 tbsp peanut butter – 205 calories

1770 calories total

As I wasn’t walking today, I started the day with my favorite cereal… and it was good.  Lunch was marvelous.  It was a HUGE salad full of yummy things.  I was surprised that the artichoke hearts were going to account for almost 200 calories until I opened the jar and realized that they were marinating in olive oil.  I briefly considered trying to wash them off, but instead just drained them and enjoyed them as God intended.  Lettuce is a marvelous thing.  The entire bag of shredded lettuce is only 25 calories and is an easy way to accomplish a “full” feeling without racking up excess calories.  To keep the cal count down in the future, I will either find artichoke hearts that aren’t packaged in oil or chop one up manually…

As for dinner, I opted to make my variant of sweet pepper fettuccine.  It’s pretty simple:

  • 12 oz fettuccine
  • 2 bell peppers (colors are nice, but green is cheapest)
  • 2-3 jalapenos
  • 1 tbsp cayenne pepper
  • 4 cloves garlic
  • 1 medium onion
  • 3/4 fat-free sour cream
  • 1 cups chicken broth
  • 3/4 parmesan cheese
  • 1.5 pounds red-flesh trout

Boil the fettuccine in a large pot of salted water.  Slice the bell peppers into strips, the jalapenos in to rings (don’t discard the seeds if you like spice) and french the onion.  Saute peppers, onions, garlic and cayenne until tender and fragrant (about 4-5 minutes).  Stir in sour cream, chicken broth and 1 cup of pasta water.  Simmer uncovered for 5-10 minutes until things start to thicken.

At this point heat a pain on medium-high, and peel the skin off of the trout.  I chose farm-raised steelhead.  Trout are one of the varieties of fish that can be farmed without messing up the environment and is a nice alternative to slower-growing salmon.  Also, it was on sale.  In any case, cover it with your favorite spice mix (I went cajun), season the pan with cooking spray or oil, and drop in the fish.  It just takes 2-3 minutes to cook, so be careful not to overcook.

Drain the pasta, and return to the hot pan.  Pour the thickening sauce on top of the pasta and toss with tongs.  Serve on a plate and top with trout.  Salt and pepper to taste.  Seriously good.  I over-estimated the calories here because I couldn’t measure things exactly, and I went back for a (small) second helping.

As per that wacky snack, I’m fascinated by the idea of caviar.  People speak of it with so much reverence, but it’s kind of… icky.  I’ve never liked it, but that doesn’t stop me.  Every six months or so, I’ll be walking through Meijers and pick up a jar.

‘A ha!’, I hear you say.  ‘No wonder you don’t like caviar.  You’re buying it at Meijers.  That’s your first mistake.’

Well, that may be true, but a fish egg is a fish egg is a fish egg, and I’ve tried them on everything.  Crackers, bread, fruit.  It still tastes pretty nasty.  But I keep buying the stuff.  I seem to be convinced that I will eventually figure out an application where it is actually tasty, and then I will understand.

Tonight, I tried it with a bit of sour cream and it was… not bad.  I wouldn’t buy it again just to do this, but if someone was forcing me to eat caviar at gun point and had sour cream on hand, at least I know I would survive.  The peanut butter was to get the fishy taste out of my mouth.

There was no organized exercise today.  I’d like to say that it was because I was too busy at the conference, but I suspect I just listened to my inner slob and let laziness rule the day.